skype catpayen France great2b@delighfullydivorced.com
Select Page
Fixed or Growth, which is it to be? The mind of a leader.

Fixed or Growth, which is it to be? The mind of a leader.

Fixed or growth mindset – what’s it gonna be?

Were it that simple and such a choice would be a diddle to make!! But as you and I know it the choice is far from simple.

Easy mindset?

There is no such thing as someone who is playing cool and agreeing with everyone to keep the status quo. That’s a sure way to piss someone off, if not yourself for starters!!

Happy person?

Generally even the most happy go lucky of us have some skeletons in the closet… Should this be the case then you must open the door. Oops, shouldn’t have done that!

Stingy Ebenezer!

Even people like Scrooge, who are just self centered and down right tight with money, as with their emotions, words, hospitality…

So how to switch mindsets?

This is very difficult to do. You must get outside of your comfort zone and from there adopt new attitudes and perceptions.

The fix mindset:

  • They believe that their basic qualities are fixed – ‘either I’m good at it or I’m not’;
  • When they get frustrated – they give up;
  • Challenges? No thanks and what for?
  • If I fail, then I’m no good;
  • Tell me I’m smart;
  • They feel threatened by others success;
  • Abilities are the determining factors of everything.

The growth mindset:

  • I can learn anything I put my mind to
  • Frustration makes the best in me come to the forefront;
  • Challenges are good for making me surpass my fears;
  • There is no such thing as failure for data is needed to find the right route/methodology;
  • Tell me I try hard!
  • Your success inspires me to do the same, and better;
  • Effort and attitude determine actions, results thus everything.

So how to change from one to the other?

Like everything it takes

  1. Time and patience, perseverance and the right mentor!
  2. Books, countless books, audios, to listen to;
  3. Courses, training webinars, your own efforts;
  4. Journaling, gratitude journals are great;
  5. Events – meet others who have already this growth mindset.  These are generally the leaders!
  6. Eventually Perception changes will occur. BELIEVING YOU CAN
  7. Never stop learning, always be growing.

To help you find out which category you belong to…

Well ask yourself this question…

When was the last time you learned something new? Read a self development book? or an Autobiography?

The main thing is to know you can change and which ever you are – don’t beat yourself up about it. Studies have shown that even children like or dislike a challenge!  Thus to know which you are is already a start – the challenge is yours now 😉

Should you like some help with all this you have two possibilities:

Either

You are starting out, then these would be your best tools;

OR

You need more advanced level guidance and here is good too 😉

 

My why is to bring joy and honour to you, so that you may shine and know you are worthy of peace.

Having gone from a violent relationship (27 years) to single Mum with 4 children, I worked hard. The mind is everything and without a good mindset you can do nothing of value.

I now run my own business, have my own workshops, create my own products and live the life I make for myself. It really all took shape when I met Jay and Stuart. Twas a blessing that I would wish on every single person who is in any violence.

Best Mum Marketing – Get it on and get out there!

Best Mum Marketing – Get it on and get out there!

What is Best Mum Marketing?

Ok let’s get real here for a moment shall we? I have been doing this affiliate marketing for some time now and never really been a fan of leader boards whatsoever! Thus have never been on them right!

Recently I was in on some mastermind group lead by a group of young lads who started this same venture as me and then their ladies joined in, so now there are four of them and having met them personally I love them very much, have much respect and know the hard work they put in. So I managed to get in on the group for their own members, so they are very authentic and energetic. They were talking about mindset, the growth or fixed mindset and how in retrospect they changed their mindset and their finances changed too. One of their examples was the leader board….

Before the boys used to look at people on the leaderboards and be envious, jealous even I believe they said! But as they were growing and reading and doing the blueprint (provided by the affiliate company), listening to audios doing all they possibly could to change their fixed mindset to progress… One day ‘I looked at the leaderboards and became inspired!’ the infamous “If they can do it I can do it” slogan came to them and they took off… Have not been off the 1st place of the leaderboards since!

Personally I had heard this kind of story so many times, and it has never done much for me. I am far from jealous of the people on them, for I know the hard work it takes and even if I was putting in the hours I also knew the mindset was holding me back. Perhaps it was one of the tools they gave, a work they used, but I found myself later on that very day saying out of the blue:

‘I can’t be on the leaderboards but Best Mum Marketing can be, and I am going to show them all how it’s done!

And then the dance began… I could hear the music, knew the steps and now I was practicing! Relentlessly!

I was having fun, enjoying the journey, looking forward to it all again, this time I was going to win the dance I knew. Because I was now Best Mum Marketer. No more marketing title but the real mccoy marketer.

I had finally finished the metamorphosis and had eclosed into a beautiful dancing queen 😉

What can Best Mum Marketing do for me?

Ok like I have said previously I am pretty good at marketing! I have always had results on my ad placements and my ROI has been in the hundreds of percent returns. Small budget small returns… I have the marketing education.

Unable to scale. Why? Mindset! Mine was not a fixed mindset but a broken one that I’d had since childhood… And I chose to stay that way, or had not done enough work to push that barrier away, until that one day…

So suffice to say I can do a lot for you! I have lived through the majority of situations you can imagine, with respect to the mindset, and how to push on through those barriers. I have the mindset skills.

Oh yeah so Best Mum Marketing…

Can get you an invitation to test drive the best affiliate marketing education platform out there (click here for your invite)

Can help you evolve with your mindset with the products of Delightfully Divorced (here)

The two combined are very powerful tools for your new life.

My why is to bring joy and honour to you, so that you may shine and know you are worthy of peace.

Having gone from a violent relationship (27 years) to single Mum with 4 children, I worked hard. The mind is everything and without a good mindset you can do nothing of value.

I now run my own business, have my own workshops, create my own products and live the life I make for myself. It really all took shape when I met Jay and Stuart. Twas a blessing that I would wish on every single person who is in any violence.

What you don’t know about the AI Robots…

What you don’t know about the AI Robots…

This is the new era of things to come for sure.

 

And AI will even give us time abundance making time poverty a thing of the past.

 

But in the research (great deal of information here) I did for this article there were on the whole comments about how in the end AI was not up to much:

 

 

AI for the use of limbs – baby steps are needed before we can leap!

 

 

 

AI in the cleaning industry –

New AI hoovering machine

New AI hoovering machine

The ‘hoover’ or ‘Rosa’ does not differentiate between noise pollution and real dust, the human element is still needed to empty the trash!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

AI in The cloud

AI in icloud so familiar to us now, so scary then...

AI in icloud so familiar to us now, so scary then…

There was a lot of progress in the analysis of data and fast transmission of data in the cloud enabling faster and faster analysis of data – some by AI the final analysis by humans:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

AI in the Military

 

The uses in war tactics is more than satisfactory – the cost of a machine being blown up is not nearly as high as a human life:

 

 

 

AI and the personal assistant

 

This seems very advanced but the subtleties of the human sense of humour or the language needs great work;

 

 

 

 

The work space

 

 

 

 

IBM Watson in a league of his own…

 

IBM Watson is of course changing the way some jobs are done and thank goodness… Vets for example in the future can have the animal in a scanning devise and all the history will be detected by the cloud connection mentioned above, plus the analysis done in that devise of small blood samples, saliva etc that can help greatly for medical care, as can for humans also, so the vet’s and Dr’s jobs will change in the fact that the diagnosis will be different and precise but then what? We still need the medicals to prescribe a treatment (as a homeopath I am hoping that a whole angle change on medicine will evolve into a more holistic approach mixing all the medical knowledge of the Chinese, your Grandma’s herbal remedies giving a much better body in the end – but this is my view solely!);

 

 

 

The adult industry!

 

Sex Robots

 

There is one area where for now the advancement is satisfactory – the sex robots 😉

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Automobile industry

AI robot self driven car

AI robot self driven car

I personally love to drive and it is a lovely thought that bad drivers will be stopped from doing harm, that we can have that extra wine glass – I live in Bordeaux, wine capital and there are many events to try wines, for now I ride my bicycle 😉

 

It is true the long motorway drives will be better when we can just possibly do other things if we really do not need to be concentrating constantly on the road.

 

 

 

 

So where is AI robots going?

AI will bring with it amazing changes and most as we can see are for the benefit of human beings. This leaves just one unanswered question …

What do we do… If… What… How… Where… When

What do we do with all this free time? Time poverty is out the window and time abundance has arrived.

What do we do if by misfortune our job has been replaced by a robot?

And pray tell me what jobs the AI will bring with it, robots or not?

Solutions…

Well for one as a stay at home Mum I knew the AI robots would change things for my children for sure.  And although I knew nothing of all of this couple of years back, I a normal housewife started searching online for something…  Personally I really wasn’t sure what – and by then we lived in the rural landes of France so the connection was so bad that I could not do things quickly, so I guess I started thinking about what I wanted to search for! But this one ad caught my attention… and I clicked on it. Now bear in mind this is 2010 and there are only about 600 million users on Facebook! (1 billion in 2012 and today, 2016 about 3 billion active users!)

The start of my digital journey commenced.

I learned skill sets, became a digital strategist, an entrepreneur with my own company and my own products – digital, that I could sell via a button that would take virtual money turning it into Euros at my end.

What a skill set to learn, what an amazing asset to acquire. Now I can do with my life more ‘stuff’ than I ever dreamed possible and time poverty? This happens when you trade time for money, I’m trading time for value and so the question to ask is; how do you limit your value? If you learn more you gain more value, so it is non ending. Now don’t get me wrong I worked hard to get all these skills and knowledge, the journey has been memorable.

 

AI Robots acomin' round the corner when she comes...

AI Robots acomin’ round the corner when she comes…

What say ye to giving it a go? Are you worthy of it?

Plus with the AI Robots coming you better be prepared, for old jobs are going even if new ones are coming.

I am a babyboomer and not a millennial so I got in early you could say. And things for you down here at the “Digital Fort” are doing just about fine thank you!

 

Should you be interested in learning the same skill sets that I learned and that got me out of the financial mess I was in (I did not have a job) and get some skills so that even IBM Watson don’t scare ya! Should you be interested click here and I’ll take you to the page where that information is available. You will then get some videos sent to your inbox to digest the information at your leisure – please not at work 😉  After that should you want to rodeo ride with us for a month you can, the milky bars are on The Kid for 30 days.

So why not get your own skills up to scratch and change your life? Click here to get informed.

My why is to bring joy and honour to you, so that you may shine and know you are worthy of peace.

Having gone from a violent relationship (27 years) to single Mum with 4 children, I worked hard. The mind is everything and without a good mindset you can do nothing of value.

I now run my own business, have my own workshops, create my own products and live the life I make for myself. It really all took shape when I met Jay and Stuart. Twas a blessing that I would wish on every single person who is in any violence.

5 Ways To Erase Your Time Poverty

5 Ways To Erase Your Time Poverty

‘Time Poverty’

as defined by Google (it really does everything now!?! although I believe this is taken from Wikipedia just put up front – time saving):

Time poverty has also been coined as a noun for the phenomenon. Many people accept time poverty as a necessary condition of employment; others have sought to solve the problem through downshifting or through adoption of flexible working arrangements.has also been coined as a noun for the phenomenon. Many people accept time poverty as a necessary condition of employment; others have sought to solve the problem through downshifting or through adoption of flexible working arrangements.’
There are recent scientific studies now too on time poverty too:

“A Measure Whose Time has Come: Formalizing Time Poverty” Jason R. Williams, Yuta J. Masuda, Heather Tallis (Social Indicators Research, August 2016, Volume 128, Issue 1, pp 265–283)

So what is time poverty?

Time poverty derives from a feeling people have of the lack of time they actually have on their hands to get things done! Now that the internet connects us 24/7 the feeling is that everything should get done and if we can’t get them done then we are managing our time wrong. As most people are working full time going to meetings whilst finishing up: a quick email; a quick call; booking an appointment to the dentist for the kids; ordering the groceries online to have them delivered later on…  Posting to social media during meetings, multitasking we know now is not a very productive way to work… Out of the office there is the family life and although machines have greatly helped liberate time, you can now cook whilst the machine is washing the laundry and if you’re very good your meal will be in the oven 30 minutes and you can help the children with their bath/homework/talking about friendship problems… and once they have left you will be time abundant and get some reading in 😉

Corporate time poverty?

Time poverty is hugely felt in the corporate world where time is traded for money and employees are running from pay check to pay check.  Although more and more the managerial levels are feeling it too and the CEO type levels have been feeling it too, and they see the trends.

How time poverty starts…

It starts, the time poverty effect if you will, when you are not getting enough money for your time. Prices go up, things become more expensive but your time for money ratio does not grow as fast.

So to keep this equation balanced you must increase time in.  You soon realise the equation of trading time for money will not get rid of time poverty, or monetary poverty for that matter!

To eradicate time poverty there 5 things you should do:

  1. Meditate – every morning for just 15 minutes minimum;
    Get you mental clarity;
    More focus;
    Increases your productivity;
    All above lowers your stress;
  2. Look for an other way to trade time for money
    2nd job – Stress levels peak;
    Better paid job would be a start;
    Work nights so as not to perturb your daily routine with the kids;
  3. Exercise – every morning for 20 minutes;
    There are many apps now that get as much done is 20 mins as a 3hr workout! How lucky to be alive now (I had to sweat it out!);
  4. Make a list of your values;
    So important take the time out to do this list;
    Then know what your minima is and do not settle for anything less!
    This is the beginning of time abundance;
  5. Get out of trading time for money
    Start trading value for money – has no financial ceiling;
    This is the digital way, leverage the internet and really start living.

So how are you going to start living your time abundance? The first step is to stop living time poverty.

Time Poverty 0 Time abundance 1

Time Poverty 0
Time abundance 1

If you want to live life on your time, have the abundance to not live pay check to pay check then I suggest you start looking at trading your time for value. Hmmm not a badass idea that, right?!

But where do I start?

I’d love to share with you the same free videos that I stumbled across and that had such an impact on me.

This information truly showed me a new way to not only get myself free and out of from my current situation of feeling in time poverty mode. But also exactly how it’s now possible in today’s online world to be able to find opportunities that give me the ability to write my own paycheck and take control of my future finances and freedom. I’d truly love to think I can help a few people by just simply sharing this stuff. 

Another quick point I’ll make. Is that each video, which will be delivered one day at a time over the next week (to save information overload) will probably set off so many lightbulb moments when it comes to solving the problems I have been sharing here- limited with your income options.

You can access the first of the videos here.

If you have any questions for me at all after checking this out. I’m here and always happy to help anyone who can relate to the things I have shared.

 

My why is to bring joy and honour to you, so that you may shine and know you are worthy of peace.

Having gone from a violent relationship (27 years) to single Mum with 4 children, I worked hard. The mind is everything and without a good mindset you can do nothing of value.

I now run my own business, have my own workshops, create my own products and live the life I make for myself. It really all took shape when I met Jay and Stuart. Twas a blessing that I would wish on every single person who is in any violence.

Why you should consider EMDR therapy?

Why you should consider EMDR therapy?

What is the EMDR?

Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) is a psychotherapy developed by Francine Shapiro that emphasizes disturbing memories as the cause of psychopathology. It is used to help with the symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD -She speculated that traumatic events “upset the excitatory/inhibitory balance in the brain, causing a pathological change in the neural elements”.[36]). Highly recommended for divorce patients for this is a once off (hopefully) trauma and it can be treated with just a couple of sessions (4-5) whereas a therapy in psychoanalysis goes on for years. 

EMDR – In layman terms…

During a normal day your nice and not so nice events go from the conscious to the subconscious during the rapid eye movement part of sleep. Here your subconscious can sort it all out and deal with it as it should be. When you have a traumatic event the brain puts it in a draw, as it were, and keeps it closed – the conscious part. Any time there is a memory, a smell, a colour, a taste that reminds you of the event you quickly open the draw and stuff it in there- the draw will get overload and you will not know how to cope – the conscious part of the brain is not competent in that! So you become even more touchy, irate, basically raw. For the brain to open up that draw and pass it to the competent subconscious to treat the information as it should be it is very complexe… A trained psychologist can do this – note I did not say psychiatrist and years of analysis!

the french painter 'the magic finger'1780

the french painter ‘the magic finger’1780

EMDR – My own experience …

I personally have been in analysis before and one very important factor needed to be taken into account… The way the brain functions!!! So for me the fact that I am high IQ is not for any other sake I say this, save that the brain functions very differently. We have arborescent thoughts to start with – we jump from one place to the other in our train of thoughts ie along the journey from A to B we will stop at every possible station before arriving which some other person would just go from A to B… and sometimes we can not grab our fast thoughts so just stop in mid sentence. These are just some traits of high IQ people and when dealing with the brain highly important to know – but the psychiatrists are not trained for this unless they go into specific training for it (generally because they are high IQ too!). So I have been was treated for things that had nothing to do with me per se, and not treated for other things that did.

SO EMDR in a session…

So I would sit there and talk and when something important came up then she would just say to me ‘Where do you feel the pain?’ ‘On which part of the body do you feel it?’ We would then get our chairs close together and putting 2 fingers up in front of my eyes she would say ‘Ok, now follow my fingers’ as she would sweep them left to right, right to left… about 5 times or maybe up to 10, I was not counting, then she would bring her fingers down in front of my nose… ‘Take a deep breath in and out. So now where do you feel the pain?’ This process, of finger “sweeping” goes on until the pain disappears – for me it started anywhere from the hips, to the belly button, to the heart, to the throat and out it would go….  So we do it about 5 times till the pain subsides.

Yeah right, EMDR does that?!

One very clear example that comes always to mind is the first time my husband got violent with me. The details are very vivid and clear and I never understood why he hit me.  So during the finger movements, just before the pain left my body, she asked me ‘How would you have liked it to go?’ ‘Well that he sits down besides me and we talk, rather than him hitting me on the sofa where I was quite defenceless!!’  And one last finger “waggle” and the pain was gone. For a long time (about 18 months) after that session this was how I recalled the incident – he came at me but we sat and talked – knowing it did not happen like so but just somehow relieved I could think like this – having an empty draw was delightful 🙂  I was learning to readjust consciously to knowing this is not what happened but not being able to change the way I now saw it, whilst feeling I was digesting and processing the information, at a subconscious level!! It is just now that I am able to write and witness both the scenes simultaneously without any judgement, pain or feelings (24 months on), but since the session I have been delivered of a burden for sure.  You see I have seen so many questions on Facebook, or in fact suggest EMDR to people who have undergone some traumatic experience that I came back to this blog post to refer people to it and had to rewrite it – thus I can see the difference between conscious and subconscious – so thank you Facebook readers for allowing me to witness this change in me 🙂 I share this particular incident to make a point rather than to gain sympathy, hoping that if you are reading this that you would seriously consider having a couple of sessions to see the benefits for yourself – knowing that EMDR has immediate rewards – freeing the conscious mind is getting lighter physically (somehow) whilst the subconscious takes time to process all this data and the finality may take longer (but it matters not – you don’t know the difference really!)

Benefits of EMDR

The beneficial effects of EMDR are powerful, cross cultural and effective in adults and children (who are in great need of EMDR  during, after the divorce!). Common psychological, physiological and social parameters are taken into account in EMDR psychotherapy. The question is what can we learn, explain and design for a better understanding of the efficiency and the mechanisms involved in the EMDR protocol.
EMDR eye movement

EMDR eye movement

EMDR Therapy – for after a divorce?

I consider this to be vital for the children actually. It has been 3 years since I separated and they all want to do the EMDR now.

 So with the EMDR Therapy…

I personally was am very happy with the results I obtained using EMDR therapy, it is clean, quick and highly efficient!

Please consider EMDR therapy for you and your children.

I found this highly explanatory too 🙂

CatPayen. Founder. delightfullydivorced.com

Cat Payen. Founder at  delightfullydivorced.com

I am dedicated to bring you value, techniques, tools and mentor you to have a delightfully divorced life. Divorce is final, and even though my own story is probably different to yours we as mothers first and foremost have to bounce back. I suffered domestic abuse, and although it takes two to tango, I fell really low and deep. But you can see videos about that for now I am out and about applying these and I have found the way to freedom - for me. I am a digital strategist extraordinaire, quite visionary really and this gives me vomph to my step, bounces me out of bed so as to serve you all better. I love my digital life style and would love for you to experience the community, camaraderie, and cutting edge marketing techniques. The one thing I found very helpful about the community is that it allows me to be me, in all my authenticity and dynamic, where at the worst of my life, here I could just be. No pretence not a mask to put on just be. The fact that we help each other means that there were always times I felt good about myself too. So apart from all these tools that I have gained in the process of getting myself aware of the situation I was in - domestic violence - was probably the single most important factor. But you too have got there if you are reading this, so now lets move you forwards and onwards.  Look, I would love for you to meet my mentors, or perhaps you would prefer an explanation of the system via a webinar? Just hit the links or skype me.

Skip to toolbar