How To Move On After Divorce And Infidelity
There are, of course, many ways to look at infidelity and how to survive it via divorce or via forgiveness… It is a problem. So you can be solution orientated or problem focused.
Here’s the thing: are you going to look at this experience as something that will change you in a negative way or are you going to learn from this, become more resilient and move on? People who are able to move on after divorce and infidelity are of a particular breed.
Those who heal after adversity focus on a solution to the problem as opposed to focusing on the problem. If you can’t let go of the idea that your spouse was unfaithful to you then you won’t move on after it with or without divorce.
How to rebuild the trust? Staying open minded about finding solutions and the very good news is that we can all become solution oriented folk. It involves all the steps of grieving and requires patience, self-love and compassion for yourself and your situation.
If you have children, not only don’t you want to use them as a pawn in a custody game of revenge, but you want to be a strong and healthy parent requiring you to heal your heart; to let go of your anger and resentment so that is does not become a bitter root that lives on to poison your relationships. So how do you move forward after the betrayal of infidelity?
This is the place to start. This will enable you to “walk a mile in my shoes” and really feel what the spouse was feeling, this leaves little room for anger and problem focusing. Here are a few suggestions with the healing process:
Surviving does not necessarily mean staying in the marriage;
Thinking in times of emotional stress is no good, to you, your spouse or your marriage;
Acceptance that life goes on after infidelity;
Stopping the blame and shame game.
You may decide to work with your spouse and make the marriage ‘work’. A lot of hard work will be needed but either way, you may even decide to go through EMDR and always
your attitude towards this
will determine how well you heal and move on after a divorce from infidelity.
TRUST THE PROCESS.