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Recovery after divorce for men

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Recovery after divorce for men

Divorce is a death there is no denying it, and who ever instigated the divorce, recovery for men afterwards is as emotional as for women. It is true that the stigma of ‘Men are tough’ and ‘men don’t cry’… leaving men on the outside of the emotional discussions as it were. It is equally true that society must change the views it holds on divorces, long gone are the men walking out on poor helpless housewives! According to a recent (2015) survey by the American Sociological Association, it’s the women that initiate the divorces, as much as 70% but in the non-marital relationships it’s about half half. 

So the new world of divorces is changing and society must change it’s stigmas too – in my opinion! The recovery after divorce for men is probably the same and we should recall that men and women react differently!

Here are 5 tips for recovery after divorce for men:

Recovery after divorce for men# 1.  Stop denial

  • Things are happening and yes this is real. So live in the truth

Recovery after divorce for men# 2. Stop the hate

  • Resentment, bitterness all very common and although men feel it is ‘justified’ this is not helping at all!
  • Letting go of these rather negative emotions is the best thing you can do to move forwards.

Recovery after divorce for men# 3. Stay connected

  • So not get huddled into your own self, go out, get a different perspective by talking to others. Any way you can get a social life.

Recovery after divorce for men# 4. Learn to forgive

  • This is the hardest thing of all to master. Personally I heard this which made it easier for me to forgive is not to pardon.  This meant a lot to me and thus I could move on ahead. This was the freeing part that I truly needed to hear and embrace.
  • For my ex he took about 16 months to dissipate his anger, then it was easier for us to navigate the arrangements for the kids.

Recovery after divorce for men# 5. Meditate

  • I know what you all say about this it took years for my husband to do it – when he finally did sit down to meditate we had been separated about 18 months. Once he was meditating the anger disappeared, the old him I had met all those years ago started emerging again.
  • I was not the same and had also been meditating for years, and it so helped me during the divorce’s separation phase… That first Christmas alone without the children – meditation galore…
  • So I highly recommend it as parents we are both recommending it to the children!!!

What ever the reason for the divorce – and mine was for violence, so I understand that there are a lot more issues to deal with for the recovery of divorce for the man here (another time we shall discuss this), know that generally the wife arrives at the divorce as a finality, she has already tried to fix things, negotiate but in her views there was no change so she had to change the situation by leaving! Men in this scenario arrive at the divorce as a new event, they did not assimilate the gravity of the situation, so they want to ‘talk via a advisor’, or that stage of the ‘divorce process’.

So if they come at that angle then yes it is very hard for men to recover after the divorce.

 

My why is to bring joy and honour to you, so that you may shine and know you are worthy of peace.

Having gone from a violent relationship (27 years) to single Mum with 4 children, I worked hard. The mind is everything and without a good mindset you can do nothing of value.

I now run my own business, have my own workshops, create my own products and live the life I make for myself. It really all took shape when I met Jay and Stuart. Twas a blessing that I would wish on every single person who is in any violence.